So, I was just having a conversation about the best way to persecute Mormons and I had a tremendous idea: mass imprisonment. Now, before everyone rains abuse down on me from their high horses--Josh, that's only one bird. Your promised bird to stone ratio was just Pie in the Sky"--let me finish. You see, we currently have a serious problem with our prisons.
No, really. We do.
We have lots and lots of people in there, the vast majority of whom are not, statistics show, Mormons, and the vast majority of whom are not being rehabilitated in any meaningful sense (although having a knife fashioned from a penitentiary toothbrush applied between the small ribs does effectively prevent the treatment's recipient from committing further crimes in the short run). We also have lots and lots of Mormons going on missions to far away lands, spreading the word about the Golden Tablets and wearing ties and just generally being extremely decent and kind human beings.
Imagine what good could be accomplished by combining these two groups. Rather than sending our Mormons to Asia and Eastern Europe, we would send them to Super Max. Imagine if one out of three prison inmates were a Mormon who had been imprisoned for absolutely no reason. What a positive influence they would be on the general prison population. It would be a soothing balm for our nation's criminal rash.
I urge you all to contact your Congress-persons.
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